


prescribe yourself to me .

by orphan_account



Category: SCP - Containment Breach, SCP Foundation
Genre: 035 is a he, Angst, Angst and Feels, Diary/Journal, Friendzone, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, Inspired by Music, M/M, Mild Blood, Near Death, One-Sided Attraction, Suffering, Surgery, THATS RIGHT BABY HANAHAKI CORROSIVE PLAGUE, Tears, carnations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25535671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: love isn't a foreign thing to 049. but this time something unexpected happens.carnations are beautiful flowers, but they don't belong in his lungs.
Relationships: SCP-035/SCP-049 (SCP Foundation)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 60





	prescribe yourself to me .

**Journal Entry: 23/1**

I am in love. After days of speculation and recalling the past, I have concluded that I'm in love. Isn't that a pleasant surprise? It's been about seven centuries since I've last fallen into the clutches of love. But who would've known that it would be with the same person once again? Well, same mask. At least _this _t__ ime I didn't realize it before he left.

Of course I would never tell those "doctors" about my feelings. What would they do if they found out? Probably run some tests like they always do. Interview me and him about every little thing. Although they may also do some testing with both of us together so that may be a positive if they ever found out. But my feelings aren't their business anyways.

They wouldn't understand why I love him anyways. They don't care about the things they imprison here. I have to admit this is the comfiest prison I've ever been in. Plus they allow me to work, albeit it's always on dead animals. But whenever those breaches happen, I am overwhelmed with joy. There's a temporary freedom from my cell, but its freedom nonetheless. My cell is exceptional but, like every other living being, I enjoy freedom from a cage. During breaches I can go work on real patients that are infected.

And the best thing about breaches is seeing him. My dear mask said that they'd given him a number, 035, like how they've designated me as 049. Every time I see him I feel my heart pound with excitement. My own mask makes it hard to see but I smile as we roam the never ending halls of this place together. Everything around us has changed except the two of us. His mere presence provides me with a warm sense of security. What would I do without him?

* * *

**Journal Entry: 4/2**

There was a breach!

This one was different than the other ones. I left my cell only to see 035 right in front of it. His host was taller than me for once, a nice change that I was glad wouldn't last. He told me he wanted to show me something and then grabbed my hand. While he dragged me along to wherever he was taking me, I found myself focusing on how his hands felt in mine. They were.. soft. They weren't gripping onto mine too harsh and felt like a perfect fit. If I could blush I would've been.

When we arrived, it turned out to be a supply closet with no cameras. He pulled me into it and we sat down in a corner. I let him put his host's head in my lap while I played with his hair. Just like old times. Except the cozy cabin that we shared was replaced by a tiny closet. But it's the best we can manage in our situation.

We talked about something. I can't remember what we talked about because my heart started hurting. Not in the usual lovey dovey way. It felt like something was stabbing me in the heart. 035 sat up and comforted me while it hurt but for some reason it made it worse. We both decided that it would be best for me to go back to my cell. I left some medicine in here that I thought would help.

However, the pain went away once we parted ways. In all the centuries that I've been alive, I've never felt pain in my heart from those love feelings. I'm not infected, and even if I was, there are no symptoms like this in the Pestilence.

I'm going to wait until they interview me, like they always do after a breach.

* * *

**Journal Entry: 5/2**

I've fallen ill with a strange disease. During the interview I coughed up what I originally thought was blood. But there was something solid in the blood. Upon further examination, it turned out to be a... I can't believe I'm saying this.

A purple carnation petal. I somehow coughed up a purple carnation petal. The only reason I could remember what that even was is because 035 mentioned it being important to him when he showed some to me all those centuries ago. He said the purple ones were his favourite.

This only happened during a part of the interview. As I expected, they confronted me about the two of us going into the closet together. The interviewer told me that they'd seen us running while holding hands on camera so I couldn't have deniability of our meeting. Of course I gave them a usual half truth. We just caught up on old times and decided to part ways afterwards.

They kept pressing on about us. What were we? Apparently 035 had said we were lovers, although it was allegedly him just jesting. I told them the truth, we were nothing more than just friends. But I left out the part about my desire to be lovers.

My heart ache came back worse than before. Now my lungs felt odd. They felt as if they were filled with something on the bottom of them. While the interviewer kept asking about our current relationship, I began to cough. Something was stuck in my throat. They handed me a tissue once I began to cough out dark globs of blood. Finally whatever was lodged in my throat was out, and lo and below it was the petal.

Confused and concerned, I showed it to them because they may know why I coughed it up. The doctors took my tissue away so they can test it. All they ever do is test everything. But this time, I would be allowed to know the results.

The strangest part of this all is that the pain comes every time I think about 035. Why is th

..  
I coughed up another petal just now. Less blood this time at least. I should tell him about this next time I see him.

* * *

**Journal Entry: 8/2**

They finally diagnosed me today. It's a rare disease called "Hanahaki." Sounds Oriental. I have never heard of this disease but I have it. The doctors gave me an informational paper on it.

Hanahaki originated in East Asia, which was obvious when you look at the word. One contracts Hanahaki when their feelings are one-sided. The only way is if their feelings is reciprocated or they get surgery for it. However, if they get surgery for it, they lose the romantic feelings. Most view these two as better alternatives than the obvious end result. The flowers fill your lungs and your heart, stopping all blood and air flow. In rare cases, the infected can die via blood loss or choking.

I don't want to lose feelings for 035. But I don't want to die. **I don't want to die.**

The doctors have figured out who I have feelings for. Now they're going to tell 035 about my condition. However, I managed to convince them to refrain from revealing my feelings to him. At least I was correct in them not understanding why I love him. But they won't test us together. 035 is too unpredictable and dangerous to them.

Even though it physically hurts, I can't stop wondering about him. How will he take this news? Does he love me back?

I should stop worrying about those questions. The more I think about him, the more petals I cough up. There's been bigger amounts lately. I coughed up a whole carnation, minus the stem and leaves. There was a bit of what I think was my flesh stuck to it.

This disease is terrifying. The only hope for me at the moment is 035 reciprocating my feelings. All I can hope for is another breach and that it comes quick.

* * *

****Journal Entry: 14/2** **

He was upset when he saw me in my cell. The first thing he said was that he knew about my illness. I attempted to brush it off so he wouldn't worry but the sight of him made me regurgitate a handful of carnations. I think I fainted because my vision darkened and the next thing I knew was that 035's host was holding me.

I told him right then and there that I loved him. I had hoped that all of the carnations would wilt away right then and there. I foolishly wished that he felt the same.

He didn't. He said he didn't know how he felt about me. I should have known. 035 never confronts his own feelings. He doesn't even know if they're his sometimes because of those damned hosts. damn it

He left to see if he could find some water for me since I started crying. But there was a squad of MTF nearby, their boots make them noticeable from ten meters away. he left me

he doesn't love Me back. I've been laying on my cot crying ever since.

I'm going to die. I'm dying. damn it damn it DAMN IT

~~why dont you love me~~

* * *

**Journal Entry 20/2**

The doctors offered surgery for me since it's so excruciating to breathe now. The carnations have filled most of my lungs. I can feel parts of them poking my heart when I breathe too hard.

These feelings are overwhelming me. I can't live with them any longer.

I'm scheduled for the 24th.

* * *

**Journal Entry 24/2**

As I am writing this, I am waiting for the doctors to take me to get the surgery. They say I am lucky to have survived this long. I've started to cough out stems with the carnations. If I wait any longer, I might cough out a whole bloody bouquet.

All I can do is have faith in these so-called doctors. Not like I can do much. Is this how my patients feel?

I hope that they can cure me of this disease. A bit ironic isn't it. A doctor has to seek aid for his own type of Pestilence.

It's time.

* * *

**Journal Entry 25/2**

My God. I can breathe again.

But at what cost?

The surgery was a success. I was told that it took around 10 hours of hard work but they were able to extract the carnations from my organs. That was good of course.

But while I was sleeping off the anesthesia, I was visited by 035. Not physically of course. He managed to somehow talk to me telepathically. I knew he's capable of doing so, but it's still an odd experience to have someone in your mind. 

It was a short visit. In my mind, he possessed a humanoid being made out of that liquid that drips out of him. He was grinning. He embraced me and told me great news. During the days since the 14th, he has finally confronted his feelings about me and concluded he loved me. I could've been cured that way. We could've been lovers.

I had to tell him. I had to tell him that I don't have anymore feelings for him. If only he had told me a little sooner. If only I waited to have the surgery a little longer. Why. WHY. 

His grin turned to a sorrowful frown. He yelled and then left. It was a yell of anger. But I felt how he really felt. Hurt. 

What have I done? I broke his heart. 

What if he is doomed to the same fate that I had? Have I infected him with Hanahaki? An idiotic question since he's a mask. But what if he is? Can he die from it like I almost had?  What have I done?

I'm a monster. 

**Author's Note:**

> JDFHDSHFDS OKAY THIS IS APART OF AN ANGST CONTEST ME AND A FRIEND ARE HAVING SO I HOPED YOU GUYS CRIED and if you did, have some tissues. this was inspired by two songs, heather by conan gray, pharmacy by isaac dunbar and a jollibee commerical. if you cant tell by now my angsts are inspired by music- anyways hope yall did enjoy.


End file.
